There is a lot going on in the world. No one can argue with that. And we’re all handling it the best we know how in the moments we have. Some of us (read: me) not so well. These past months have been rough.
I don’t recognize myself most days. I’ve jeopardized relationships with terrible behavior and I’ve scared myself, quite frankly, with how much I feel the need to, in general, create chaos so the massive anxiety within me feels justified.
I’ve been treated, at various stages of my life, for various mental health issues and while I hate the stigma over it; sometimes I can’t deny that maybe this isn’t a monster I can conquer alone or with self-help books. Having spent a fair amount of my later teen years in an out-patient program for kids with behavioural issues, I always have a vague sense of shame about it. For years I wore it like a badge of honour until I convinced myself that I wasn’t that bad and it was just a phase.
A phase, that quite possibly, comes up a lot more than I really want it to. A phase, that while I wish I had outgrown it before I turned 20, I most likely did not and this behaviour has followed me for most of my life. I’ve chosen some terribly coping mechanisms in order to organise my chaos into something manageable. Always looking for an excuse. But I guess the point here is that we’ve all got our own battles that other people might not know about so be gentle with yourself and others.
With all the news going around and the country of my birth having serious growing pains in their adolescence, I have been burying my head in the sand a bit. It’s been overwhelming everything my mind wants to handle. It feels like seeing the desperation of the whole world on a large screen, and it never turns off.
And this is why rainbows matter. So I’ve been surrounding myself with things I love. Flowers. Beautiful photos. Silly romance novels. Crazily painted nails. Long summer dresses. Bright lipstick.
Joy is not cancelled in the wake of all of this. Isn’t that why we fight for a better world? So that we can all have joy? Isn’t that a big part of why we all want equality - so we can all have the soul-bursting moments of pure, unadulterated joy?
Maybe I’m missing the point, but every single person deserves a rainbow on their horizon to smile at. Or a llama. Or a baby giggling. Whatever helps you process the global trauma we’re going through. Trust me. Puppy photos makes a difference.
If all we ever do is see chaos and anger and violence and destruction and death, it takes a toll on the human psyche. Dedicate some time to something beautiful. It makes a difference.