I recently got engaged. About two weeks ago to be precise. I am delighted.
While I am absolutely over the moon about it, I cannot help but feel slightly devastated by the state of the world, the state of my home country, and the fact that I’m not actually in the state that I was born in.
Living abroad is not for the faint of heart, or apparently, those who are extra sensitive and love their mothers way too much.
My biggest questions and issues arise from the fact that I am so far away and I am also absolutely unsure of what the rest of this year will bring, as we all are I reckon. It’s an unsettling year to be sure. A million people have died from a disease we only barely understand and I’m wearing a bright pink facemask while grocery shopping.
Things are strange.
And yet, my bright spot, is that somehow this year has given me so much of everything that I have ever wanted. We’ve gotten our own lovely little house with stunning stained glass work. I can walk or bike to the shops in mere minutes. I am gainfully employed, happily teaching yoga, and doing my best to cook dinner 3 nights a week.
I’m getting married. I’ve wanted this my whole life and suddenly, it feels so surreal. Like wishing for it so badly made this bit a little less. Not that I’m not excited, but more of a strange ‘oh, it happened’ feeling. And I miss my family and my friends and the fact that right now I should be picking a date but instead I’m watching the world fall apart all around me in various ways.
I mean, I’ve planned this. I’ve got a spreadsheet. But I cannot be sure that it will happen. I cannot guarantee that the world will allow it to happen with everything going on. And my fiance knows all of this intimately and doesn’t want me picking a date only to watch it fall apart and leave me devastated.
I suppose this is why you have a bridal party (no thanks) because you’ve got a built in support system. Or at least people who may listen to you complain.